Why You Can’t Accept A Compliment
Mackenzie Fulleton, MSW, LCSW
Have you ever been complimented and then your mind and body go haywire? You’re unable to say “thank you” and move on, your brain goes:
“Oh no, what do I do? Just laugh it off?”
Assumes they want something
Telling them they’re wrong and make it weird
Goes frozen
If that sounds familiar, you are not the only one that feels that way. For people who have experienced trauma, chronic stress, and unstable relationships- this can happen.
So, why does this happen?
Compliments can feel like threats: Especially when you are in relationships that have a lot of criticism and are very conditional. Your brain starts to believe that compliments/positive attention is dangerous (What is this for?!!? Why is this happening?!?!)
Hypervigiliance: People with trauma histories often have the symptoms of hypervigilance. You are constantly scanning interactions and are anticipating a shift to happen.
Vulnerability: Accepting a compliment can feel like you are lowering your walls and are letting someone be able to connect with you.
What you think you deserve: Sometimes we don’t believe the compliments, which makes it hard to accept.
So, how can we help with this…?
DBT: DBT can help you gain specific skills to help with distress tolerance and emotional regulation tools that can interrupt the automatic avoidance/rejection response.
Trauma-focused therapy: This type of therapy can help you peel away the layers that have caused you to feel like you are unable to accept complements, let your walls down (slowly & safely), and change the narrative of how you view yourself (self perception).
If any of this resonates with you, please reach out to The Meridian and we will pair you with a clinician that best fits your needs!
With love,
The Meridian Team